Supervillains can be tough to check off of your holiday shopping list. One simply cannot walk into a store and ask for the head of their enemy in a presentation dome.
That said, here is a list of the best gifts any true Supervillain will appreciate for the 2023 gift-giving season:
#1: Marketing For Supervillains by Jesse James Wroblewski (me)
The must-have book for any secret lair bookshelf.
For far too long, marketing professionals have been getting the shaft.
This marketing manifesto will spark a revolution amongst advertising & branding professionals who deserve more. It’s also a tome to help recruit new revolutionaries, currently in the form of business owners, who never want their business product or service to be looked at as a commodity.
Marketing For Supervillains is a serious book to approach brand differentiation, Decommoditization™, and, if one’s aspirations are high enough, for world domination. Chock full of relevant pop culture references, Marketing For Supervillains will show aspiring differentiators how to approach the subject of becoming decommoditized.
Follow this detailed marketing differentiation process and achieve the high ground when presenting to and winning new clients.
Buy Here On Amazon
(show em how much you care, spring for the hardcover!)
#2 The F-1 Ballista Thing
Supervillains are not typically the rugged, outdoorsey type… but just look at this thing! I feel like I should have one on my mantle just in case… of what I have no idea? But Supervillains are ALWAYS prepared. I just wish it came in purple!
#3: Custom Trap Doors In Any Size!
Fun fact, you can never have too many trap doors in your lair so this gift truly never goes out of style. The one on my front porch gets a ton of usage with all of the religious solicitors I attract and could probably use an upgrade. Don’t forget to maintain these amazing contraptions with our specially formulated Trap Door Lubricant spray (see below)
#4: The Boston Dynamics “Spot”
Some of our heroes (for lack of a better term) at MSCHF have made the coveted SPOT killer drone from Boston Dynamics available to the public. Coming in at a mere $150,000, this product is some top-tier level opulence and perfect if you want to show that special villain in your life how much you care.
#5: Supreme Skull
While it might not be the true skull of their arch-nemesis, I’m sure any villain in your life (hopefully there is not more than 1) will appreciate the sentiment of this SUPREME SKULL with branded gold teeth.
This 21-piece human skull model/puzzle with embossed logo teeth currently runs around $70 on Stock X.
#6: Uranium!
Villains can never have enough Uranium! A number of stipulations set out legal ownership of uranium metal, the sternest of which is that it may not be exported to another country without a license. The possibility of the feds knocking at your door adds yet an additional level of danger to an already dangerous gift.
#7: Their Own Netflix Subtitle
Chances are your favorite Supervillain already has their own theme song (what respectable SV doesn’t?) But how about their very own Netflix-style subtitle pin?
[Ominous Music Plays] metal lapel pin is available on Etsy for 11 bucks. A great Supervillain stocking stuffer!
#8: Custom Secret Passages
The hidden door store has thought of everything right down to the wireless tilting book which triggers the opening mechanism.
Just measure that unsightly opening to the secret lair the next time you pay a visit to your supervillain friend, send the dimensions to the Hidden Door Store and await it’s arrival.
#9: Trap Door Lubricant
There’s nothing worse than that awkward moment when you have a salesman in your office giving you his pitch, you hit the trap door button only to hear screeches and squeaks. The salesman easily sidesteps his certain doom as the trap door struggles to open. Now what do you do?
Ensure your favorite villain never has to experience this again with the thoughtful gift of SPRVILLN’s patented Trap Door Lubricant.
Did we miss something? Naughty, Nice we don’t care. Share what’s on your Supervillain Wish List with us at info@decommoditized.com.
